I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
