Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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