I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
