Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
