the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Mom said you looked used
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
