ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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