He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
