I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
handjob tips. give me some.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
