You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
