oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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