So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
