if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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