Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
