my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize