What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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