yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
