Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
