i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
