remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
