it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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