I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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