The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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