I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
