One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
