So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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