small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
