I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
