You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize