All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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