you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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