Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never let your siblings swipe right.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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