just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
