Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
