I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pooping to opera.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
