I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Randomize
