Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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