It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
