Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
