I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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