if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
