also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
