he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
