Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
