The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well you can't waste a boner
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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