i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
