and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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