Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
