Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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