Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
