Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
