I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
