My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
