I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how drunk are you?
Several
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
