My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
