1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
