remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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