IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
