I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
