she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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