i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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