he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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