They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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