Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
