mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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