what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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