Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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